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A Little About Me
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I was born and raised in Seattle Washington
In March of 1997 I decided I needed a change,
And moved to Shreveport, Louisiana.
Your probably thinking "What For"
Well I'll tell ya *S*
I needed a change in my life,
And I have a good friend who lives here
so I said, "why the hell not"
and I've never regreted it!
Espeacilly since I met, fell in love and married the man of my dreams *S*
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Humorous Horoscopes
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Humorus Horoscopes
PLEASE NOTE, THESE HOROSCOPES ARE FOR ENTERTAINMENT ONLY!
Aquarius: (Jan. 20- Feb.18) You have an inventive mind, and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a
great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the
same mistakes repeatedly.
Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.
Pisces: (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20) You have a vidid imagination and often think you are being followed by the
FBI or CIA. You have minor influence over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power.
You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals and pick their noses a
lot.
Aries: (Mar. 21 - Apr. 20) You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick
temered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.
Taurus: (Apr. 20 - May 20) You are practical and persistant. You have rugged determination and work
like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a God-Damn
communist.
Gemini: (May 21 - Jun. 20) You are quick and intelligent thinker, people like you becasue your bisexual.
However you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard.
Cancer: (Jun. 21 - Jul. 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other peoples problems. They think
you are a sucker, You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and wont
be worth a shit.
Leo: (Jul. 32 - Aug. 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leos are
bullies. You are vain and cannot toerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are
theiving bastards and kiss mirrors a lot.
Virgo: (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to
your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus
drivers and pimps.
Libra: (Sep. 23 - Oct 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male,
you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent. Most libras women are
whores. All Libras die with venereal disease.
Scopio: (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21) You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the
pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are
murdered.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely
on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or potheads. People laugh at you
a lot because you are always getting fucked.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically
chickenshit. There has never been a a Capricorn of any importance. You should KILL YOURSELF!
PLEASE NOTE, THESE HOROSCOPES ARE FOR ENTERTAINMENT ONLY!
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THE BALLARD OF THE BOBBITT HILLBILLIES
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(sung to the tune of the beverly hillbillies)
Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named John
A poor ex-marine with a little fraction gone.
It seems one night after getting with his wife
She topped off his schlong with the swipe of a knife.
(Penis that is)
(Clean cut-missed his nuts)
Well. the next thing you know there's a ginsu by his side
And Lorena's in the car takin' Willie for a ride
She soon got tired of her purple headed friend
And tossed him out the window as she rounded the bend.
(Curve, that is)
(Pricker shrubs, wheel hubs)
She went to the cops and confessed to the attack
And they called out the hounds, just to get his weenie back
They sniffed and they barked and pointed, "over there"
To John Waynes Henry that was waving in the air
(Found, that is)
(Bt a fenced-evidence)
Now Peter and John couldn't stay apart too long
So a dick Doc said "Hey, I can fix your dog"
A needle and a thread is all your gonna need
And the whole world waited til they heard that Johnny peed.
(Whizzed that is)
Even seam, Straight stream)
Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court
With a cockeyed lawyer since his assets came up short
They cleared her assault, and aquitted him of rape
And his pecker was the only one, they didn't show on tape.
(Video, that is)
(Unexposed, case closed)
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